Memoir

I have found the most rewarding outlet for the stress I deal with care giving for my father. This blog, or story as its shaping up to be, is making me realize so much about myself. I am also realizing how this pivital moment in my life truly shaped the person, or adult, I was to become. I know some of you are current readers- for those of you who are not, I invite you to ready my memoir- Raising Dad...

Back to the hospital

My father is back in the hospital- acute renal failure, some heart damage and possibly a couple broken ribs. We don't know how bad all of this really is yet, we have to see if the kidneys recover or if he goes into chronic renal failure (meaning dialysis and a short life expectancy).
He's had so many problems in the past but his organs have remained strong...until now.
I feel so bad for him. He's in pain, he's in and out of it mentally. He smiles one minute and screams the next. He looks ashen and sunken and sick.
He is sick, but now he looks sick.
I don't know what will happen, I've learned there is no guessing with him or his body- but I do know he's only human.
I look at him and I am so sad. I'm sad for the life he should have had, the life I should have had.
Eventhough he's more than a pain in my neck, I still love him- he's my Dad and a part of me.
I can't look in the mirror without seeing him in myself. I feel like part of me is laying in that bed with him.
I just wish I could take it all away.

Ambition and Optimism

So in the last couple days I have gotten a lead on a few jobs...I'm not going to keep my hopes up but I have people putting good words in for me, so we'll see.
On a more optimistic note, I finally told my boss that when/if she leaves her position to pursue her PhD next fall, if at all possible, I would love to be considered for her position. I was really nervous about telling her, I didn't want her thinking I was "gunning" for her job.
She took it really well, in fact she said she would help me prepare! She said she would help me in anyway she can to become a suitable candidate for the position (she hasn't been accepted into a PhD program yet, but she is sooooo a shoe-in).

Bitch of the day: "When retail employees have little personal conversations behind the counter while they allow you to stand, waiting, to purchases your items. You can talk after work all you want sweetheart, but right now- ring up my shit!"

Quote of the day: "Yeah, there are a lot of things in this world I should do... but right about now they can just about kiss my ass."
~My charming father after the doctor tells him he should really quit smoking...