The Curse Continues...

For Christ Sake!!! I have so had it with the fucking health problems! I do every damn thing I am supposed to do 95% of the time!!!
I have been having throbbing, soreness, tenderness and swelling in both of my legs recently. So I go to the Vascular Surgeon to get a Doppler done to rule out a DVT, while there the doctor tells me, "Good news is we see no new clots, bad news is your experiencing Venous Reflux- a common side effect among those who have suffered a DVT." Great. Perfect. Fan-fucking-tastic.

So, here I am laid up in bed, again. Here I am not getting to go out and enjoy my weekend because of my legs, again. Sure I could go out anyway, dope myself on pain meds and then risk being in so much pain I have to call into work on Monday morning, again.
But I'm not going to do that.
Bed Rest. Get in bed, and stay there. Sounds like it might be relaxing, huh? Try it. You'll see its not as glamorous as it sounds, its boring, its uncomfortable, its watching other people do things while your stuck there. Best Rest. Get in bed, and stay there.

I know my partying, high heels and dancing on NYE are probably partially to blame for the pain, and with as much alcohol and IB profen I had in me at the time I hardly noticed my legs, until I awoke the next morning, limping....but ya know I just wanted to be young and have fun and forget my legs for a night.
Sometimes I get really fucking angry about the whole deal. Sometimes I wanna scream at healthy people who don't appreciate it, "Do you even know how fucking lucky you are?!?!"
Sometimes I want to blame my father, sometimes I want to wallow in it and most of the time I just want to forget about it all. But, it reminds me with a tinge of pain and throb that its there and it always will be. My genetic gift to carry around for the rest of my life.

In addition I just had to take my father back into the ER this morning for Acute Would Healing Failure in his right leg. The poor man has been through so much! When is enough ever enough! Is there some reason for all of it? Why do some people have to experience so much anguish in their lives? I look at him and I am so sad for him, I want to make everything OK for him. He may be a pain in the ass but he's the only father I have and I love him, I hate to see him suffer.

And deep down inside of me, in that selfish part we all can have, I look at him in horror and wonder if one day that will be me.